Public Transportation and All that Jazz

Top Ten things that brings a smile to my face while riding the Metro train (for those of you who do not have public transportation…Metro trains are part of the Washington Metropolitan Transit Authority here in the District of Columbia).

10. Making sure my MP3 is blasting loud enough that everyone can hear. Okay, so I don’t do this…but seriously, for all you violators out there: TURN IT DOWN. I don’t wanna hear White Snake or MC Hammer or your Drum and Bass demo @ 7am. That’s just not right D.C.

9. Snuggling up to the poles. Nope, I’m not speaking of stripper poles kids…I’m talking about the rails/poles that are placed strategically so that the metro customers who are standing will have something to hold on to so that we do not fall when the train comes to a sudden stop. I love it when one person will basically snuggle up with the pole and read their Nora Roberts book or the oh so educational Washington Post…Really people? Don’t snuggle…or we all struggle…sigh...

8. Loud talking. I know, I know…how can I accuse anyone of doing this especially when I’m from the south and I have been guilty of talking loud. Honestly though, I know how to whisper on the train or just shut up, but apparently some people cannot keep it quiet. Today some girls were trying to figure out how to cheat their cable company… “...so I think Cindy should call the cable company and say like, ‘My roommate has moved out and we can no longer afford our cable’ and then I can like, call tomorrow and have the cable turned back on but for a cheaper price.” Cindy’s very loud reply, “Like Oh My Goodness Bayleigh, you’re like way genius.” Oh yeah, she is a master mind…Did it ever occur to them that CEO of Comcast might be on the train on his way up to Capitol Hill for a meeting? GENIUS!!!!

7. The Barry White of Train Operators. I’m not sure who this guy is, but occasionally he is the train operator on my train line and honestly, I almost start crying and waving my hand in the air because he sounds like Barry White. In deep Barry White voice, “Next stop (imagine licking lips while smiling…LL Cool J style) FOGGY BOTTOM…” Oh yeah….foggy…wait…did I miss my stop….

6. Tourists. I especially love to hear them say things such as, “Oh honey I think we should get off at La Elephant Station Stop…” Ah, do you mean, “L’Enfant”? I mean, can't you at least attempt to say Le Infant? That's sounds better than La Elephant..... please people!

5. Ladies in sequin outfits. I’m not sure where they are going at 7am in a sequined dress, hat, socks, suit or all of those items, but I’m jealous! I wanna know what job says it is okay to wear sequins between the hours of 9am-5pm.

4. Nose Pickers. It seems strange to me that I live in the nation’s capital where percentage-wise people have more degrees than any other city in the USA and I see men…GROWN MEN…in ARMANI suits picking their noses…WHY?????

3. Awkward silences with Coworkers. Yeah, you might not know them well, but imagine your surprise when you see a coworker or supervisor on the same train as you. You say hello…they say hello back and then…SILENCE…because you don’t really talk to this person unless email has stopped working or the phone lines have been cut….very AWKWARD…..

2. Clutching my purse. I do this to aggravate people on my train line. I ride with a lot of yuppie folks and they seem to think that all people of color (no matter how professional, decent or friendly we look or act) are out to get their bookbags, purses, knapsacks, etc. I am a person of color and without fail, some lady or guy always clutches their purse/bag around me…like I’m gonna run away with it on a moving train….where the heck would I go…. Sooo to right the world and provide some balance, I clutch my purse around guys and gals (I’m an equal opportunity offender)….it is always amazing to see how offended they are when I fearfully (I’m a great actress) clutch my purse for dear life…as if they would steal it….the lesson kids: don’t judge folks on the basis of skin color…okay, there’s my Public Service Announcement for the day….

1. Sweaty armpits. Because my train is soooo crowded, I occasionally end up standing under the sweaty armpit of some very tall man. I know it’s not his fault but honestly, it's no fun being in that position and it is even stranger when the guy sorta hits on ya…dude, why are you hitting on me? I’m under your sweaty armpit…not cool or not dry in any way….