Tuesday, February 5, 2008

ODE TO CUBICLE-LAND: Land of the Cubites


Soooo many people in the Washington DC area are living the Cubicle lifestyle…relegated to small squarish spaces for 8-10 hours a day can only create some real craziness. I have discovered though that there are wonderful things about domiciling in Cubicle-land:

Listening to other people’s radios. I’m not sure why some Cubites (people who live in Cubicle-land) believe bringing a radio or small television is appropriate in our shared kingdom. Of course I can hear your dang radio! No matter how low the volume, I can hear Steve Harvey or Bob Barker aka Drew Carey on the Price is Right. Instead of “Come on Down”, you should “Turn it down” so that all of us can listen to the happy sounds of keyboarding, copy machines, telephones and closing doors in the office.

Soap Opera like drama. When one of my coworkers literally balled up a report and threw it at her team leader and cussed (yes children, CUSSED…not cursed…cursed would mean she was still speaking in proper English while sprinkling her language with a few inappropriate curse words…CUSSED means she was speaking her version of English …inappropriate and non-standard of course…this doesn’t always mean Ebonics folks…this could refer to when Spanish speakers Spanglish when they are upset) the team leader for being alive. I thought I was seeing the reincarnation of Marlena on Days of Our Lives being possessed by the devil…

The passing of gas. Okay, I know we all do it…but honestly, some people seem to do it more frequently and it is soooo much more horrible…I cannot believe that someone can emit that sort of foulness…

Counseling sessions. Maybe it’s me…maybe having the face of an angel some how convinces people that I really want to listen to their issues. I’m not sure what prompts people to come and sit in my extra cubicle chair, but I listen to a lot of problems. I keep my head down and directed at my computer screen, but my coworkers do not take the hint…nope…here’s the conversation, “Hey there! Are you busy? (at this point, I try to say yes, but I am quickly cut off) Well, you will not believe what X said to me today. I don’t know why people take their frustrations out on me. It isn’t my fault that he can’t supervise…blah, blah, blah, blah…”

Water Thievery. At my job, if you want premium filtered water (not the fountain tap water), you have to join the Water Club. I joined this club because the Deer Park Dispenser was very close to my cube. What ensued after my joining has turned into an office version of COPS. I see people… like GS 13 types…(for those not familiar with the government pay scale, a GS 13 makes 79K at a minimum) sneaking to the Water Club tank and stealing water (water club dues is $6 a month). What is truly hilarious is that the Water Club coordinator has asked me on several occasions to be part of her water club sting. I declined because I didn’t want to run the risk of ever carrying a water gun…that goes against my moral code…

Hater-ation. This term refers to those people who for various reasons (jealousy, envy, mean spiritedness, or my favorite: plain old evil) hate on nice people who sometimes make a faux pas at work. For example, there is this lady who is in her mid to late 40s at my office and she's in great shape. She sometimes wears outfits that are questionable…shirt with huge V neckline where her Vicki’s secret bra is not a secret anymore…or mini mini skirts… Anyways, she’s a nice person and does her work, but people still focus on her fashion funnies. They hate on her with comments such as, “Can you believe she came to work looking like that? Oh my goodness, no wonder all the men stare at her boobs and not her face…I can’t believe people like that have children….no wonder young girls with mothers like her become hoochies…” Here’s a PSA moment kids: If you have an issue with your coworker, don’t say nasty things behind his/her back…don’t hate, player…help! Go to the coworker and tell them your issue…then congratulate yourself for being an adult and not a high school bully…

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

Hilarious, I was thinking this was a cross between David Sedaris and The Office! I love it, give us more!