Monday, June 11, 2007

How to deal with a UBER insecure friend.....

I believe that when dealing with insecure friends, sometimes you can't baby them. Especially if they consistently whine about their insecurities. In the past, I would try to tell them that they didn't need to be insecure about whatever their issue happened to be, but I found that this only lead to more whining. The list below should be used with EXTREME caution and only for the worst type of insecure friend....for anyone who hasn't guessed that I am completely kidding, let me state that I AM COMPLETELY KIDDING!

5) Confirm their worst insecurities...if they say they're fat, agree with them....if they say a person they are interested in will never like them, agree with them...and actually, point out that the reason the person is not into them has nada to do with them being a horrible person, but everything to do with their crazy insecurities.

4) If confirming their worst insecurities does not work, ignore their comments. Begin to sing a song...such as, "This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…” (repeat to infinity)

3) If their insecurity involves anything about their physical appearence, make sure to give them gifts that confirm the insecurity i.e. clothes that are too big for them, the phone number of a great breat augmentation center, etc.

2) Mention how much more you would love them or find them attractive if they were not ______ (write insecurity here i.e. fat, ugly, stupid, etc.).

1) Mention that you may have to walk away from your friendship because their insecurities are starting to impact the way you live...for example, you can't eat a donut without thinking how fat the insecure friend would become if he/she were eating the donut.....Gaaahhhhh, talk about ruining your tastey treat experience.......