Tuesday, June 12, 2007

How to Effectively Hide From Friends that Pester You Alot.....

I, of course, would never do any of these things to my friends, but I have heard repeatly from other sources that they can't seem to escape their well meaning, slightly controlling friends. To help those people, I have devised this list (this list can also be utilized to escape ex-boy/girlfriends):

10) Change your cell phone number every few months. When they complain about you missing their call, you can tell them that you didn't receive a call from them....in this way, you give them the honest truth.

9) If you walk to work or drive to work, do not take the same route more than twice in a week. I have found that persistent friends tend to be lurking around travel routes in hopes of trapping you into some tedious conversation.

8) Get rid of your gmail account. They know when you are logged on or not...of course, you could just block them, but then they might ask another friend if they are having issues seeing you on GMAIL and well....that could turn into a a sticky situation for the other friend and you....Just stick with yahoo or hotmail....

7) Park your car behind your house....this will force them to have to call you and by then you will have.... (see below)

6) Caller ID: a wonderful invention! If asked whether you are screening calls, be honest. Tell them, "When I get home, I concentrate on family time" or if you are single, "Home is santuary for me and I try to take time to decompress from the world when I am at my abode. If I do not answer the phone, it is not a rejection of you but a rejection of all that might continue to add to my stress."

5) Change your hairstyle. If you are blond, go red. If you have straight hair, go afro-licious (this includes my people of non-color...don't fear the 'fro).

4) Go to the temple, mosque, meeting place, or church at a different time. Many religious organizations have different services....You might even consider trying a different denomination or sect within your religion...i.e. you were baptist but now you are presbytarian....great opportunity to learn something new.....

3) Develop halitosis...this is extreme but effective in dissuading long winded conversations with pesky friends.

2) Wear Elizabeth Taylor perfumes (white diamonds, purple diamonds, and any of the other diamonds she might have)....that always seems to drive people away.

1) Bleach or darken your skin (whatever is opposite of what you are), wear a shiny glove on one hand, and walk around with a monkey named "Bubbles". Monkeys can be expensive. Check ebay. They have EVERTHING! If a real monkey is not an option, go for the stuffed animal version. I would try the local zoo. Their stuffed animals have a better likeness to the real thing.