It is a wonder that any of us survive on Planet Earth. It only takes a moment’s glance at any of the billions of microcosms around the beautiful blue planet to see that at any moment our life could be over. A walk to the local coffee shop could end with a car accidentally hitting you on the sidewalk living you lifeless. A drive to see grandma in Baltimore may end with a drunk driver hitting and killing you. So many accidents…and yet, most of humanity behaves as if these things are just flukes. How many times have you said, “I’ll do that tomorrow?” How many times have you told a loved one, “We have all the time in the world?”
Do I sound fatalistic? Maybe. Realistic? I would say yes. While we acknowledge that there is a 100% mortality rate in the world (as in, we will all die at some point), we certainly do not behave like it. On a daily basis we mistreat, abuse, and hurt other people without any sense that we destroying our fellow peoplekind (don’t want the feminist coming after me). Perhaps we do not behave like this all the time, but I’m starting to think that this pseudo acknowledgement of eternity/forever is what fuels our behavior often times.
I wonder why we think in terms of forever. How many romantic songs have you heard sang, “We’ll be together forever my darling?” Really? Why? Aren’t we finite beings? According to most non-theist folks, we all die and are going nowhere. History doesn’t seem to support this idea much. Since the beginning of time, people have been talking about forever. The ancients recognized this innate since that we were meant for eternity. Most major religions postulate that after we die we are going somewhere in eternity. Even before I became a follower of Jesus Christ, there was this part of me that refused to believe that this place…earth…that this was it. Logically, I wanted to accept my finiteness, but my heart and my mind rejected the lack of eternity for humanity. The reality is we want forever. We want to know that one day we will meet our lost loved ones in eternity. We want that, but we can’t believe that we could have it. So we give up our heart for eternity and make do with the reward of the temporary.
So what? Who cares if we act like we have forever when in reality we probably only have 50-80 years on the third rock from the sun? Why does this matter? Well, I think if people were more eternal minded we might treat our quest for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness in a completely different manner. I’m thinking if I lived everyday with the knowledge that I might keel over at any minute, I might not be a workaholic. I probably would visit my family more often, eat more ice cream, smile at people on the subway, share a kind word with those that are struggling, give the homeless all my change, and so many more things.
Not only would I be a kinder version of myself, I probably would be a bit more contemplative. “Who am I?” “Where am I going?” “In light of eternity, will this make my life and others lives better or worse?” “Who is God?” “If he is there, what’s His deal?” “How can I know an invisible God?” “If there is a place such as heaven or paradise, how do I get there?” “Will my good deeds be enough to counter weight my bad deeds?” “Who are Jesus, Buddha, and the Cookie Monster?” “In reference to Jesus, what does he have to do with me?” “If I claim to follow Jesus, how is that apparent in my heart, my mind, my actions, and my life?” “Do I treat people like Jesus would treat them?” “If I don’t support certain political parties, does that nullify my standing with Jesus?” “Is Jesus a Republican or Democrat?” These are just a few questions I have thought about since becoming more eternal minded as opposed to temporally minded. I can’t say I’ve found all the answer, but I have made a decision that I must strive to live in a way that pleases the God that I love and serve. This means: When I want to have a fit on someone, contribute to gossip, or just do something that seems questionable, I find myself asking God more and more what he thinks of these situations. I find that my conversations (some of you call it prayers) with him have increased. I want to treat people with the same kindness and favor that God grants to me on a daily basis. I want to believe that I will see my loved ones again one day. Although my body is literally the equivalent of a deprecating new car, my mind and spirit are appreciating in value day by day through the renewing of my mind by the Lord Jesus. My heart was built for eternity and I am going to live that way. How are you living?
Friday, June 12, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
The Making of a Would-be Socialite…
Recently, I’ve had opportunities to attend social functions that bring out my inner debutante/ socialite. Honestly, I didn’t know that a socialite lurked in my heart but since her emergence, I’ve invited her into my life with open arms. My inner socialite has taught me a couple things about rubbing elbows with the well connected and rich. These are few tips I thought I’d share….(Thanks to Melissa for advice on two of these issues)
Don’t be afraid to cut the cheese first. No, not that type of cheese…I’m talking about real dairy cheese. At my latest event, I was standing near the food table (imagine that) and this amazing untouched art work of cheese lay before me. Alas, it was not cut into and I was nervous that I might make a mess of it, but my inner socialite said, “Do not fear the stinky cheese. Do not fear cutting the cheese. It’s good for you…”
Do not bring snacks, rack of lamb, or any other food. It is inappropriate. It doesn’t matter if you are allergic to everything on the menu or if you don’t eat foods that you cannot pronounce the name. Pulling a 5 guys burger out of your bag is not only tasteless but will insight a mini riot since everyone else will be dining on endive and walnut salad.
Don’t bring a big purse with Ziploc bags, aluminum foil, or Tupperware. You know who you are. This is neither the time nor place for you to do this. Come on! Have some dignity…you can stop at Mickey D’s on the way home and get something off the dollar menu…sheesh!!!!
Do give what you can at a fundraiser, not what you don’t have. I saw people writing very large checks and I felt like my gift wouldn’t be very much compared to them…and that’s where that line of thinking ended. My $100 gift will help this organization just like the $10,000 gift my wealthy counterpart contributed.
Do talk about the weather. I know, I know…sounds boring, but it’s amazing how agreement on how horrid or how wonderful the weather can move people closer together. Try these lines, “I certainly declare. The weather is quite monstrous out there. Quite chilly if I do say so myself.” And yes, you may use a slight English accent when saying that.
Do dress to impress. Make sure you understand the crowd that will be at this event and the time of day the event is happening. You wouldn’t want to wear you purple pleather pant suit to a traditional afternoon tea party in the spring. May be a bit over the top….
Do get car service (basically a town car and servant driver). While it is always advised to take the most economical form of transportation, it might be a little off putting if you arrive and take off your flip flops and pull your heels out of your purse and proceed to put them on. I’m not saying I’d look down my nose at you, but others might….
Do not wear ill fitting clothes or shoes. As in, if you had to use Vaseline to squeeze into your dress or your pinky toes touch the ground in your open toe sandals, you probably should forgo wearing those items. Also, please make sure that nails and toes are appropriately groomed. Nobody wants to see scraggily dirty nails.
Don’t be afraid to cut the cheese first. No, not that type of cheese…I’m talking about real dairy cheese. At my latest event, I was standing near the food table (imagine that) and this amazing untouched art work of cheese lay before me. Alas, it was not cut into and I was nervous that I might make a mess of it, but my inner socialite said, “Do not fear the stinky cheese. Do not fear cutting the cheese. It’s good for you…”
Do not bring snacks, rack of lamb, or any other food. It is inappropriate. It doesn’t matter if you are allergic to everything on the menu or if you don’t eat foods that you cannot pronounce the name. Pulling a 5 guys burger out of your bag is not only tasteless but will insight a mini riot since everyone else will be dining on endive and walnut salad.
Don’t bring a big purse with Ziploc bags, aluminum foil, or Tupperware. You know who you are. This is neither the time nor place for you to do this. Come on! Have some dignity…you can stop at Mickey D’s on the way home and get something off the dollar menu…sheesh!!!!
Do give what you can at a fundraiser, not what you don’t have. I saw people writing very large checks and I felt like my gift wouldn’t be very much compared to them…and that’s where that line of thinking ended. My $100 gift will help this organization just like the $10,000 gift my wealthy counterpart contributed.
Do talk about the weather. I know, I know…sounds boring, but it’s amazing how agreement on how horrid or how wonderful the weather can move people closer together. Try these lines, “I certainly declare. The weather is quite monstrous out there. Quite chilly if I do say so myself.” And yes, you may use a slight English accent when saying that.
Do dress to impress. Make sure you understand the crowd that will be at this event and the time of day the event is happening. You wouldn’t want to wear you purple pleather pant suit to a traditional afternoon tea party in the spring. May be a bit over the top….
Do get car service (basically a town car and servant driver). While it is always advised to take the most economical form of transportation, it might be a little off putting if you arrive and take off your flip flops and pull your heels out of your purse and proceed to put them on. I’m not saying I’d look down my nose at you, but others might….
Do not wear ill fitting clothes or shoes. As in, if you had to use Vaseline to squeeze into your dress or your pinky toes touch the ground in your open toe sandals, you probably should forgo wearing those items. Also, please make sure that nails and toes are appropriately groomed. Nobody wants to see scraggily dirty nails.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
PYT: Pretty Young Thang...well maybe not so young...
Of late I’ve had a recent rash of incidences involving men. I know this doesn’t sound like a big deal but I’ve been dateless in DC since the Jheri curl was in style. Anywho… lately I can’t go for a walk without a nice young fellow attempting to get to know me or calling on me. It is very exciting…nice to have a little male attention… I can’t get on metro without a guy trying to strike up a conversation. Going to Starbucks to sip on tea and read the paper is mission impossible since a gentlemen caller wanders over to my chair and introduces himself…
I’m not complaining. Many of you know I prayed about this so this is an answer to prayer. I guess it just seems weird…the timing and all. Why now? What’s changed? I haven’t lost the 20 lbs I’ve been promising to lose for 7 years. I’m older so it can’t be that I’m a hot young thang. I definitely don’t dress for attention (I only dress for me and my friends…LOL…). So what gives????
Over the past few years, I’ve been going through an internal change of sorts. I think when you are young life is all about extremes, apologies, and excuses. When you are really young, you say things like, “If I don’t achieve this, I’ll die.” or “I will never work at a job that I don’t love.” Extremity. Youth only knows what it will or will not accept or reject. It’s like we only see in bold colors. It’s hard to see the pastels of life.
Youth seems to be full of apologies--probably because of the extreme resolutions issues. I have had to apologize a lot for the extreme judgments I’ve made about people, things, situations, etc. For a few years, I lived in apology central. As I’ve grown older I’ve learned to think about what I say—even things I say in jest. My humor is not everyone’s humor and if it is a bit dry and sarcastic, it can be perceived as hurtful and mean.
Oh, let’s not forget excuses. My Mom really took offense at my unending list of excuses and reasons for not being able to do something. “Can you pick up a few groceries after school today?” she’d ask and I’d reply “Well, I would if I had enough gasoline in my car to make it to the grocery store.” As if there were not any gas stations near my house or on the way to the grocery store…
In the last few years, I’ve really asked myself a lot of questions concerning why I do, live, behave, etc. the way I do. I’ve asked God to reveal to me who have been, who I am currently, and who I’m supposed to be. To say the least, it’s been REAL. I realized that I’d carried some of my crazy youthful behavior forward into adulthood. And I’m not talking about the mess that’s good youthful behavior. One thing I noticed was my propensity to lean toward extremes and excuses which always led to me apologizing to someone.
So I’ve seen some of that mess worked out in my life. For example, I used to say, “I would only marry a man like _____ _____ _____ and ____.” Or “I will only live in these places: ____ _____ ____ and ____.” Basically, I would tell God the what, the where, the when, and the how and expect that he’d either bless it or would give it to me later.
Via a lot of prayer, fellowship, and study of the bible God has been dispelling a lot of myths I’d created in my life concerning career, family, life pursuits, etc. I believed that certain things I desired would come packaged in the way I wanted it or the way I thought I wanted it. I believe having fantasies or myths about God given heart desires kept me from seeing what I REALLY desired. It’s like trying to see a beautiful sunset through your kitchen window, but being unable to because you painted what you wanted the sunset to look like on the window. You can’t appreciate the real thing because you’ve painted your fantasy.
So I’ve allowed God to wash away a lot of my fantasy so that the true, God given desires of my heart may be realized and actualized. I’ve seen incredible movement in my life since letting go of fantasy and myth. Instead of the extremity and excuses I used to have (since I had created these fantasies in my life), I find that trust God when he shows me what I’m longing for and I pursue it as he leads me to or I await for him to deliver it to me. The great thing is that all that God has given is so much better than anything I could have cooked up in the kitchen of my mind.
So what does all of this have to do with all the male attention in my life? Well, I think it might have something to do with the fact that I’ve released a lot of fantasy and myth I had about boyfriends, husbands, and potential suitors. Now, I’m not saying I threw away the standards for potential romance…just that some of my requirements have been retooled and realigned with what I know will bless God and therefore bless me and the one I’m with. God has revealed that I am to bless people including potential suitors by being honest, kind, encouraging, thoughtful and pure to and with them. If my intention is to bless them and treat them with respect, then I’ve gained because I’ve made God, me and the suitor happy. By not placing crazy expectations on the beginnings of the relationship (you know what I mean Christian ladies… “is he the one?” mess that we can’t stop asking ourselves…or he’s a bit short for me thus eliminated from my dating pool…shout out to Mattie Matt…hootie whooo…you taught me that short dudes are the equal to their tall counterparts in gentlemanly pursuit…), I’m leaving room open to learn, give, and receive.
If none of these guys are the one for me, at least I know that I’ve treated them with respect and dignity and not damaged them for their next relationship. Hopefully, I’ve helped them grow and they’ve helped me grow. I think I was afraid of dating because of all the crazy myths I had in my head, but now I’m seeing that God has some amazing things in store for the person who says, “Show me Lord and I’ll follow…”
I realize that God grants me heart desires when I’ve released my parameters of what it should be to him. When I meet someone knew, I definitely have opinions and thoughts about that person, but I’m more likely to say, “Ok Lord, what’s the dealio? Grant me wisdom and discernment…Eyes to see and ears to hear what needs to be seen and what needs to be heard…I want your best and I want to give your best…”
A few years ago, dating might have been tragic for me, but now not so much. I trust God to provide the best for me and I joyfully await whatever he might reveal to me.
I’m not complaining. Many of you know I prayed about this so this is an answer to prayer. I guess it just seems weird…the timing and all. Why now? What’s changed? I haven’t lost the 20 lbs I’ve been promising to lose for 7 years. I’m older so it can’t be that I’m a hot young thang. I definitely don’t dress for attention (I only dress for me and my friends…LOL…). So what gives????
Over the past few years, I’ve been going through an internal change of sorts. I think when you are young life is all about extremes, apologies, and excuses. When you are really young, you say things like, “If I don’t achieve this, I’ll die.” or “I will never work at a job that I don’t love.” Extremity. Youth only knows what it will or will not accept or reject. It’s like we only see in bold colors. It’s hard to see the pastels of life.
Youth seems to be full of apologies--probably because of the extreme resolutions issues. I have had to apologize a lot for the extreme judgments I’ve made about people, things, situations, etc. For a few years, I lived in apology central. As I’ve grown older I’ve learned to think about what I say—even things I say in jest. My humor is not everyone’s humor and if it is a bit dry and sarcastic, it can be perceived as hurtful and mean.
Oh, let’s not forget excuses. My Mom really took offense at my unending list of excuses and reasons for not being able to do something. “Can you pick up a few groceries after school today?” she’d ask and I’d reply “Well, I would if I had enough gasoline in my car to make it to the grocery store.” As if there were not any gas stations near my house or on the way to the grocery store…
In the last few years, I’ve really asked myself a lot of questions concerning why I do, live, behave, etc. the way I do. I’ve asked God to reveal to me who have been, who I am currently, and who I’m supposed to be. To say the least, it’s been REAL. I realized that I’d carried some of my crazy youthful behavior forward into adulthood. And I’m not talking about the mess that’s good youthful behavior. One thing I noticed was my propensity to lean toward extremes and excuses which always led to me apologizing to someone.
So I’ve seen some of that mess worked out in my life. For example, I used to say, “I would only marry a man like _____ _____ _____ and ____.” Or “I will only live in these places: ____ _____ ____ and ____.” Basically, I would tell God the what, the where, the when, and the how and expect that he’d either bless it or would give it to me later.
Via a lot of prayer, fellowship, and study of the bible God has been dispelling a lot of myths I’d created in my life concerning career, family, life pursuits, etc. I believed that certain things I desired would come packaged in the way I wanted it or the way I thought I wanted it. I believe having fantasies or myths about God given heart desires kept me from seeing what I REALLY desired. It’s like trying to see a beautiful sunset through your kitchen window, but being unable to because you painted what you wanted the sunset to look like on the window. You can’t appreciate the real thing because you’ve painted your fantasy.
So I’ve allowed God to wash away a lot of my fantasy so that the true, God given desires of my heart may be realized and actualized. I’ve seen incredible movement in my life since letting go of fantasy and myth. Instead of the extremity and excuses I used to have (since I had created these fantasies in my life), I find that trust God when he shows me what I’m longing for and I pursue it as he leads me to or I await for him to deliver it to me. The great thing is that all that God has given is so much better than anything I could have cooked up in the kitchen of my mind.
So what does all of this have to do with all the male attention in my life? Well, I think it might have something to do with the fact that I’ve released a lot of fantasy and myth I had about boyfriends, husbands, and potential suitors. Now, I’m not saying I threw away the standards for potential romance…just that some of my requirements have been retooled and realigned with what I know will bless God and therefore bless me and the one I’m with. God has revealed that I am to bless people including potential suitors by being honest, kind, encouraging, thoughtful and pure to and with them. If my intention is to bless them and treat them with respect, then I’ve gained because I’ve made God, me and the suitor happy. By not placing crazy expectations on the beginnings of the relationship (you know what I mean Christian ladies… “is he the one?” mess that we can’t stop asking ourselves…or he’s a bit short for me thus eliminated from my dating pool…shout out to Mattie Matt…hootie whooo…you taught me that short dudes are the equal to their tall counterparts in gentlemanly pursuit…), I’m leaving room open to learn, give, and receive.
If none of these guys are the one for me, at least I know that I’ve treated them with respect and dignity and not damaged them for their next relationship. Hopefully, I’ve helped them grow and they’ve helped me grow. I think I was afraid of dating because of all the crazy myths I had in my head, but now I’m seeing that God has some amazing things in store for the person who says, “Show me Lord and I’ll follow…”
I realize that God grants me heart desires when I’ve released my parameters of what it should be to him. When I meet someone knew, I definitely have opinions and thoughts about that person, but I’m more likely to say, “Ok Lord, what’s the dealio? Grant me wisdom and discernment…Eyes to see and ears to hear what needs to be seen and what needs to be heard…I want your best and I want to give your best…”
A few years ago, dating might have been tragic for me, but now not so much. I trust God to provide the best for me and I joyfully await whatever he might reveal to me.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Warning: Introspective Read...Crabs in a Bucket....
“Crabs in the Bucket”
When I was little I remember hearing my parents discuss the “Crabs in a Bucket” mentality that folks have oftentimes. I grew up on the gulf coast and so this concept instantly took root in my mind. If you have never see crabs in a bucket, they are pretty amusing to watch.
Basically, all the crabs are moving around and a few crab will make it to the top of the bucket but the other crabs around it is steadily pulling he/she back down. Unfortunately, the crab at the top will never make it out of the bucket because the other grabs are dragging him down. According to my parents, the same is true of people. Sometimes when one person rises to the top or succeeds, the rest of us will work to claw them back down to our level. Crabs in a bucket….
I know a bit about this. I have been the crab at the top of the bucket being pulled down by my brethren. Equally, I have been the crab pulling other success stories back toward me. I’m ashamed to admit that I have been that person. I believe most people would like to think they are generally ready to congratulate the success of others versus being the Debbie Downer who plunge the successful into the abyss of unhappiness.
As a follower of Jesus Christ, I know this is inconsistent with the way I am called to live and behave. Since meeting Jesus, he is my paradigm of Godly attributes usable to confront the darkness in my heart. Lucky for me, the outcome of the confrontation is I become a better person and closer to God. I mention this because ultimately I know God desires that I respond to his offer of grace with obedience and love to him and kindness to others. I know that he has called me to, “Rejoice with those who rejoice…” (Romans 12:15a NIV). So why do I become envious and downright nasty sometimes when one of my brothers or sisters receives a blessing? Yesterday, I finally figured it out.
During a conversation with one of my coworkers, I mentioned that I might purchase a home in the near future (near future meaning next 2 years or so). She agreed that this was a great time to buy a home if one had good credit and some collateral. She asked where I planned on purchasing and I stated that I’ve always wanted to live in the District of Columbia in a rowhouse. She frowned and said, “Well, those are expensive and the problem with living in the district is that everyone is so transient. There is no sense of community. Plus, you get less house for a bigger price tag.”
What’s interesting is that I never said I wanted a big house or that I was worried about living amongst a transient population. In previous discussions, I mentioned several times how I valued convenience and commutability over a spacious house. I currently live in an area where I can walk to the grocery store, restaurants, shops, etc. I like the idea of never having to move my car. I enjoy being environmentally friendly. Being in walking distance of most things has helped me build a habit of daily exercise which in turn has granted me more physical well being and general health benefits. Furthermore, I believe God has given me a vision involving the purpose of my purchasing a home in Washington DC.
So once again, I described to her my factors for a housing purchase. With an upturned arched eyebrow she said, “If that’s your thing, then you do what you want.” She almost sounded angry. Then it occurred to me. Is she jealous? Now, I’m not someone who thinks everyone wants me or wants to be like me. What would I have that she could want? As usual God spoke to me right on time. “Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:44-46 NIV).
I remembered several conversations she and I had over the past few weeks. She is very frustrated with her job and management. She just moved into a new house that she bought before the marked housing decline and because the house is an hour away the commute is really costing her. She struggles with her weight but can’t seem to lose any. In a word, she’s FRUSTRATED. Not so much with me, but with herself and her life. Why do the things she desire elude her?
Upon looking at my life, I’m sure it seems like I’ve lived a charmed life. Recently, I had a job offer that literally came out of the clear blue sky, but I know it was God granting me grace at the right time. I’ve lost weight in the past year. I’m saving toward a down payment for a home and have paid off a considerable amount of debt. To her, I’m moving higher and higher and it seems like she’s standing still. What she doesn’t know is that I’ve been praying and seeking God on these issues for many years and I’m just starting to see movement in these areas of my life. This didn’t happen overnight.
But I understand her reaction. When my friends, who are getting married or are now starting families, announce their impending nuptials or baby news, a few times instead of being completely overjoyed, all I could think was, “Why hasn’t the Lord sent me a husband? What am I doing wrong? Why are they getting everything and I’m receiving nothing? I’ve try everyday to be pleasing to him. I’m no more sinful or sinless than them. Why, Lord, why?” Yes, on the surface my lack of enthusiasm for their blessings appears to be jealousy. And it is jealousy, but the root issue is grounded in my frustration.
I believe her frustration is what was at the heart of her argumentativeness toward me. Her behavior reminded me of a parable Jesus told in Luke 15. This story he spoke of involved a man who had two sons. The younger son went to his father and told him that he wanted his share of his inheritance right then and there. By asking this of his father, he was essentially stating that he wished his father would die so that he could have his inheritance. How would you feel if your kid said, “I wish you were dead so I could get your life insurance money now?” Yep, that’s pretty hurtful.
The father gave the younger son his portion of the wealth and of course, the kid being young and wild spent his money in a hot Vegas minute. To make matters worse, right as he ran out of money a famine swept the land. Well, you can guess the rest of the story. The youngster ended up doing some things that no one should ever have to do to survive. Eventually, he goes home to his father to beg for forgiveness and wouldn’t you know it, the father was waiting with open arms of forgiveness and love for his baby boy.
Now here is the interesting part of the story. The older son sees how the father throws this celebration feast for his returned younger no good brat of a baby brother and literally seethes with anger. When the older son is confronted by his father about his attitude he says, “All these years I’ve slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!” (Luke 15:29-30 NLT)
What must the father have thought at his elder son’s outburst? Isn’t he happy his brother is home? Isn’t he glad that his brother is safe? The father responds, “…Look, dear son, you have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours. We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!” (Luke 15:31-32 NLT)
When reading those verses it is clear to me. God has not withheld anything. All the things he has for me (his plan for my life, marriage, children, etc.) is already mine (Lord, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing. You guard all that is mine. Psalm 16:5 NLT)
The problem is my focus. When I focus on what I do not have, I begin to fall into this nasty place called “The desert of ‘I Deserve’”. Somewhere along the line, I really believe that God owes me. For what you might ask? Well, for being good or trying to be good. Being kind to others or working for kingdom purposes. I know, I know, I can’t earn God’s gifts but we live in a society that preaches at us constantly, “If you are going to have anything, you must work for it. Nothing is free!”
The reality is God’s grace and mercy is free--covered by the life, death and resurrection of Christ our Lord. He is my inheritance. And truly when I am focused on God, I see my blessings more clearly and the actual abundance of them are overwhelming. It is not about what other people have, but who God is. He is the blessing! Psalm 37:3-7 (NIV) says, “Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed…”
When I find myself teetering toward the “Crabs in a Bucket” mentality, I find the Holy Spirit reminding me that my focus is off and that every thought I have must become obedient to Christ. In doing this, He gives me the strength and joy to walk away from my frustration and jealousy and to find true delight in him.
When I was little I remember hearing my parents discuss the “Crabs in a Bucket” mentality that folks have oftentimes. I grew up on the gulf coast and so this concept instantly took root in my mind. If you have never see crabs in a bucket, they are pretty amusing to watch.
Basically, all the crabs are moving around and a few crab will make it to the top of the bucket but the other crabs around it is steadily pulling he/she back down. Unfortunately, the crab at the top will never make it out of the bucket because the other grabs are dragging him down. According to my parents, the same is true of people. Sometimes when one person rises to the top or succeeds, the rest of us will work to claw them back down to our level. Crabs in a bucket….
I know a bit about this. I have been the crab at the top of the bucket being pulled down by my brethren. Equally, I have been the crab pulling other success stories back toward me. I’m ashamed to admit that I have been that person. I believe most people would like to think they are generally ready to congratulate the success of others versus being the Debbie Downer who plunge the successful into the abyss of unhappiness.
As a follower of Jesus Christ, I know this is inconsistent with the way I am called to live and behave. Since meeting Jesus, he is my paradigm of Godly attributes usable to confront the darkness in my heart. Lucky for me, the outcome of the confrontation is I become a better person and closer to God. I mention this because ultimately I know God desires that I respond to his offer of grace with obedience and love to him and kindness to others. I know that he has called me to, “Rejoice with those who rejoice…” (Romans 12:15a NIV). So why do I become envious and downright nasty sometimes when one of my brothers or sisters receives a blessing? Yesterday, I finally figured it out.
During a conversation with one of my coworkers, I mentioned that I might purchase a home in the near future (near future meaning next 2 years or so). She agreed that this was a great time to buy a home if one had good credit and some collateral. She asked where I planned on purchasing and I stated that I’ve always wanted to live in the District of Columbia in a rowhouse. She frowned and said, “Well, those are expensive and the problem with living in the district is that everyone is so transient. There is no sense of community. Plus, you get less house for a bigger price tag.”
What’s interesting is that I never said I wanted a big house or that I was worried about living amongst a transient population. In previous discussions, I mentioned several times how I valued convenience and commutability over a spacious house. I currently live in an area where I can walk to the grocery store, restaurants, shops, etc. I like the idea of never having to move my car. I enjoy being environmentally friendly. Being in walking distance of most things has helped me build a habit of daily exercise which in turn has granted me more physical well being and general health benefits. Furthermore, I believe God has given me a vision involving the purpose of my purchasing a home in Washington DC.
So once again, I described to her my factors for a housing purchase. With an upturned arched eyebrow she said, “If that’s your thing, then you do what you want.” She almost sounded angry. Then it occurred to me. Is she jealous? Now, I’m not someone who thinks everyone wants me or wants to be like me. What would I have that she could want? As usual God spoke to me right on time. “Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:44-46 NIV).
I remembered several conversations she and I had over the past few weeks. She is very frustrated with her job and management. She just moved into a new house that she bought before the marked housing decline and because the house is an hour away the commute is really costing her. She struggles with her weight but can’t seem to lose any. In a word, she’s FRUSTRATED. Not so much with me, but with herself and her life. Why do the things she desire elude her?
Upon looking at my life, I’m sure it seems like I’ve lived a charmed life. Recently, I had a job offer that literally came out of the clear blue sky, but I know it was God granting me grace at the right time. I’ve lost weight in the past year. I’m saving toward a down payment for a home and have paid off a considerable amount of debt. To her, I’m moving higher and higher and it seems like she’s standing still. What she doesn’t know is that I’ve been praying and seeking God on these issues for many years and I’m just starting to see movement in these areas of my life. This didn’t happen overnight.
But I understand her reaction. When my friends, who are getting married or are now starting families, announce their impending nuptials or baby news, a few times instead of being completely overjoyed, all I could think was, “Why hasn’t the Lord sent me a husband? What am I doing wrong? Why are they getting everything and I’m receiving nothing? I’ve try everyday to be pleasing to him. I’m no more sinful or sinless than them. Why, Lord, why?” Yes, on the surface my lack of enthusiasm for their blessings appears to be jealousy. And it is jealousy, but the root issue is grounded in my frustration.
I believe her frustration is what was at the heart of her argumentativeness toward me. Her behavior reminded me of a parable Jesus told in Luke 15. This story he spoke of involved a man who had two sons. The younger son went to his father and told him that he wanted his share of his inheritance right then and there. By asking this of his father, he was essentially stating that he wished his father would die so that he could have his inheritance. How would you feel if your kid said, “I wish you were dead so I could get your life insurance money now?” Yep, that’s pretty hurtful.
The father gave the younger son his portion of the wealth and of course, the kid being young and wild spent his money in a hot Vegas minute. To make matters worse, right as he ran out of money a famine swept the land. Well, you can guess the rest of the story. The youngster ended up doing some things that no one should ever have to do to survive. Eventually, he goes home to his father to beg for forgiveness and wouldn’t you know it, the father was waiting with open arms of forgiveness and love for his baby boy.
Now here is the interesting part of the story. The older son sees how the father throws this celebration feast for his returned younger no good brat of a baby brother and literally seethes with anger. When the older son is confronted by his father about his attitude he says, “All these years I’ve slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!” (Luke 15:29-30 NLT)
What must the father have thought at his elder son’s outburst? Isn’t he happy his brother is home? Isn’t he glad that his brother is safe? The father responds, “…Look, dear son, you have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours. We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!” (Luke 15:31-32 NLT)
When reading those verses it is clear to me. God has not withheld anything. All the things he has for me (his plan for my life, marriage, children, etc.) is already mine (Lord, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing. You guard all that is mine. Psalm 16:5 NLT)
The problem is my focus. When I focus on what I do not have, I begin to fall into this nasty place called “The desert of ‘I Deserve’”. Somewhere along the line, I really believe that God owes me. For what you might ask? Well, for being good or trying to be good. Being kind to others or working for kingdom purposes. I know, I know, I can’t earn God’s gifts but we live in a society that preaches at us constantly, “If you are going to have anything, you must work for it. Nothing is free!”
The reality is God’s grace and mercy is free--covered by the life, death and resurrection of Christ our Lord. He is my inheritance. And truly when I am focused on God, I see my blessings more clearly and the actual abundance of them are overwhelming. It is not about what other people have, but who God is. He is the blessing! Psalm 37:3-7 (NIV) says, “Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed…”
When I find myself teetering toward the “Crabs in a Bucket” mentality, I find the Holy Spirit reminding me that my focus is off and that every thought I have must become obedient to Christ. In doing this, He gives me the strength and joy to walk away from my frustration and jealousy and to find true delight in him.
Friday, May 16, 2008
The Fragrance of Love at the Gym
Top reasons I wish I could get over myself and talk to the cute guy at my gym:
I’m convinced we already have something in common: We like to work out. In fact, now that I fearlessly walk into gym man-land (commonly called free weights zone), he and I have more in common…now if only he and I could talk.
I’m not sure, but I think he’s checking me out sometimes. The reverse of that is he might be wondering why my strength exercise form (still working on doing the “dead man” lift correctly) is still a bit sloppy.
I could return my focus back to proper exercise form and listening to inspiring music on my MP3. Great songs such as, “Don’t stop Believin” by Journey or “Blame it on the Rain” by Milli Vanilli deserve my full attention. Oh wait, I reckon Milli Vanilli didn’t “actually” sing that song...oh well…you know what I mean.
So I can stop thinking of him as the 'gym guy'. If we ever get around to introductions and I learn his real name, I probably mistakenly call him 'gym guy' because that's been his name in my head for way to long.
I’ve seen the other girls checking him out, but he doesn’t seem to notice them. When I come in, I see the subtle look he gives me…of course, he could have something in his eye…or he could be looking at me…or he could like me…or he could like me not…dag-nabit!
I might actually have more than 2 dates this year. Honestly, what does it take to get a guy to ask you out…and I’m not talking about those guys with their tongues out looking you over as if you are the freshest piece of fried chicken in the KFC bucket…eeeewwwww
I can wear my Steve Madden heals and not feel so self conscious when I'm standing next to my man. See, gym guy is tall. And since I’m a tall lady, I will not have to tower over him or when we slow dance, he won’t try to rest his head on my breasts.
He could be fun. He might like to dance, go karaoke, dramatically act out parts of the bible and do other activities with me.
He behaves like a grown man. I’m over being in like with 27 year old guys who act like 5th graders. You know who I'm talking about...those guys who treat you like a girlfriend, but has never asked you out. Those guys who want to spend time with you and tell you all their problems, but for some reason asks out girls that have no interest in the "real" them. I decided last year I was done with these fake boyfriends. I want a real Man-friend. I get the feeling that gym guy is a MAN. Like he's not afraid of hard work...Yep, gym guy seems fly and that’s what a sistah wants these days…
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Metro Wishes Today and All That Jazz
Top ten things I wish would have happened on Metro today:
Dancing. This is how I see it happening: A woman dressed in a Chiquita banana outfit steps on the train at Farragut West and says, “ Ello, metro cous-tim-airs! Tu-day we Salsa!” Then Celia Cruz starts playing over the loud speakers and one by one, stuffy orange line customers begin to salsa…Ole!
Connections. You know what I mean. The torrid eye affair you’ve been having with that cute guy or gal for 3 weeks, but neither of you have actually done or said anything to make it past eye contact. Come on people…let’s make a love connection…
Manners. Why are you telling your wife about your horrible day on your Verizon cell phone while in the prescence of people you don't know on public transportation? Do you think I want to know how much you hate your boss? I don’t! Get off the phone.
Fewer Tunnel Fires. Again for those not familiar with subway train riding, occasionally a fire happens inside the tunnels on the tracks…very smoky…which leads me to---
More Concerned Metro Customers: When most people smell smoke, they think, “FIRE!” Well, not on metro. I have seen a haze of smoke so thick you'd think we were in a Cigar Lounge. Everytime this happens, I look up to make sure my contacts are not drying out and giving my vision a smokey glaze. I am one of 2 or 3 passengers that usually notices. When I first moved here I thought I was crazy…then I realized later, I just wasn’t desensitized yet…
ODE TO CUBICLE-LAND: Land of the Cubites
Soooo many people in the Washington DC area are living the Cubicle lifestyle…relegated to small squarish spaces for 8-10 hours a day can only create some real craziness. I have discovered though that there are wonderful things about domiciling in Cubicle-land:
Listening to other people’s radios. I’m not sure why some Cubites (people who live in Cubicle-land) believe bringing a radio or small television is appropriate in our shared kingdom. Of course I can hear your dang radio! No matter how low the volume, I can hear Steve Harvey or Bob Barker aka Drew Carey on the Price is Right. Instead of “Come on Down”, you should “Turn it down” so that all of us can listen to the happy sounds of keyboarding, copy machines, telephones and closing doors in the office.
Soap Opera like drama. When one of my coworkers literally balled up a report and threw it at her team leader and cussed (yes children, CUSSED…not cursed…cursed would mean she was still speaking in proper English while sprinkling her language with a few inappropriate curse words…CUSSED means she was speaking her version of English …inappropriate and non-standard of course…this doesn’t always mean Ebonics folks…this could refer to when Spanish speakers Spanglish when they are upset) the team leader for being alive. I thought I was seeing the reincarnation of Marlena on Days of Our Lives being possessed by the devil…
The passing of gas. Okay, I know we all do it…but honestly, some people seem to do it more frequently and it is soooo much more horrible…I cannot believe that someone can emit that sort of foulness…
Counseling sessions. Maybe it’s me…maybe having the face of an angel some how convinces people that I really want to listen to their issues. I’m not sure what prompts people to come and sit in my extra cubicle chair, but I listen to a lot of problems. I keep my head down and directed at my computer screen, but my coworkers do not take the hint…nope…here’s the conversation, “Hey there! Are you busy? (at this point, I try to say yes, but I am quickly cut off) Well, you will not believe what X said to me today. I don’t know why people take their frustrations out on me. It isn’t my fault that he can’t supervise…blah, blah, blah, blah…”
Water Thievery. At my job, if you want premium filtered water (not the fountain tap water), you have to join the Water Club. I joined this club because the Deer Park Dispenser was very close to my cube. What ensued after my joining has turned into an office version of COPS. I see people… like GS 13 types…(for those not familiar with the government pay scale, a GS 13 makes 79K at a minimum) sneaking to the Water Club tank and stealing water (water club dues is $6 a month). What is truly hilarious is that the Water Club coordinator has asked me on several occasions to be part of her water club sting. I declined because I didn’t want to run the risk of ever carrying a water gun…that goes against my moral code…
Hater-ation. This term refers to those people who for various reasons (jealousy, envy, mean spiritedness, or my favorite: plain old evil) hate on nice people who sometimes make a faux pas at work. For example, there is this lady who is in her mid to late 40s at my office and she's in great shape. She sometimes wears outfits that are questionable…shirt with huge V neckline where her Vicki’s secret bra is not a secret anymore…or mini mini skirts… Anyways, she’s a nice person and does her work, but people still focus on her fashion funnies. They hate on her with comments such as, “Can you believe she came to work looking like that? Oh my goodness, no wonder all the men stare at her boobs and not her face…I can’t believe people like that have children….no wonder young girls with mothers like her become hoochies…” Here’s a PSA moment kids: If you have an issue with your coworker, don’t say nasty things behind his/her back…don’t hate, player…help! Go to the coworker and tell them your issue…then congratulate yourself for being an adult and not a high school bully…
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)